Those who struggle to stop people-pleasing often go through life feeling stressed with a neverending task list. They are waiting until things let up so they can take a break. But things don't let up, and this waiting often leads to burnout and depression. When my clients first attempt to change their people-pleasing behavior, they usually start by trying to add new healthier behaviors. However, their schedules are so overbooked that new behaviors don't have space.
Take Steps To Stop People-Pleasing
Before working with a therapist for their people-pleasing people often feel like everything they're doing is necessary and deem most tasks at the same level of urgency. So it's hard to let things go. But these intense feelings are not reality. Even unimportant tasks feel important when one associates them with identity and a sense of belonging. Saying no can be difficult, especially if tasks also maintain essential relationships. Therapy to stop people-pleasing works on breaking these associations because you don't exist solely for what you can do for others.
Saying Yes to Yourself
Stopping people-pleasing behavior means saying yes to yourself more. However, it usually also means saying yes to yourself while simultaneously saying no to someone else. These actions are often another stuck point for my clients because the above behaviors feel selfish and unnatural. Feeling uncomfortable when spending time on themselves makes sense when considering clients' histories since most of them had childhoods where their families did not pay attention to their opinions or emotional needs.
Prioritize Things That Serve You
Making room in your schedule by focusing tasks on what's important to you can help stop people-pleasing behavior. It's okay to feel lost when figuring out your goals and values, and it's okay to guess. You're attempting something new. While testing your ideas, it may feel scary to stop a task altogether. Therefore, putting off things that no longer serve you until you can let them go completely can be a great strategy.
For example, I tried to bullet journal a while back, thinking it would help me get more done. I was wrong, but the process did reveal an important insight. There's a symbol in bullet journaling that if you don't accomplish something, you put an arrow and move it to the next day and the next until you get it checked off. My original list was so long that my journal quickly filled with arrows. It was frustrating to see my daily lack of productivity clearly and consistently, but I continued using the visual. Soon unimportant tasks lost their urgency, and I could let them go. And I found valuable patterns in the things that drew my attention and time. Now that 'list" is so tiny and fulfilling that I no longer need a bullet journal to keep track.
Get Support From A Therapist As You Learn To Stop People-Pleasing in Illinois
If you struggle to stop people-pleasing, things won't change for you until you start redirecting some of the time you give to work and others to yourself. While this behavior change can be difficult, therapy for people-pleasing can help support you.
If you want more tips from an online therapist on how to stop people-pleasing and start protecting your time and energy, then check out my other posts on this topic. And for further support from Live Lekko follow these steps:
- Get a free consultation by calling or texting 217-402-7817
- Schedule your first appointment with an online therapist in Illinois
- Start prioritizing your time and needs
Other Online Therapy Services Offered At Live Lekko in Illinois
At Live Lekko, we offer a variety of services through teletherapy not just therapy for people-pleasing. You can also receive counseling for grief, anxiety, depression, and perfectionism. In addition to counseling for women and support for burnout. Start prioritizing your time and needs by reaching out today.