Some people-pleasing behavior is understandable. For example, using people-pleasing behavior with an unreasonable manager or boss can make sense if it means lessening your work stress or keeping your job.
Not All People Pleasing Is Bad
This form of people-pleasing behavior will be occasional and specific to a setting or person. Additionally, people-pleasing can prove necessary if other forms of assertive communication fail to work, especially if you are trying to communicate with an emotionally immature or toxic person in a position of power over you. Finally, using the above-mentioned people-pleasing behavior can prevent burnout and undue financial stress. And most importantly, buy time until you can switch positions into a more stable working environment.
However, for many of the clients at Live Lekko, people-pleasing behavior is their go-to behavior. In addition to using people-pleasing behaviors at work, my clients also people-please with their families, friends, and even strangers. They worry about upsetting others and often second-guess their interactions. Leading to them choosing to deny themselves rather than disappoint someone else. They also people-please in situations when this behavior is not needed, like with supportive people or in healthy environments.
When Is It Time to Learn How To Stop Being A People Pleaser?
People-pleasing for my clients is not just about being kind, friendly, or helpful. Instead, it becomes their primary form of relating. People-pleasing has been their main source of acceptance and connection. My clients have spent their whole lives trying to keep others happy, so anything different feels wrong and scary. But this way of relating is exhausting. People-pleasing is stressful, unmanageable, and lonely.
Therefore, it’s essential to know yourself outside of what you can do for others. Like most of my clients, you probably grew up with childhood emotional neglect, so thinking about your feelings first doesn’t come naturally. However, building self-awareness and self-care are essential to stopping people-pleasing. They create confidence, give you the energy to express yourself fully, and build reciprocal relationships.
So What Does It Really Take To Learn How To Stop Being A People Pleaser
To stop people-pleasing, you will need to learn about yourself and make self-respect your new foundation. You can do this by learning how to identify your feelings, values, and needs. Next, it will be essential to practice meeting your needs by knowing when to trust your feelings and how to act on them.
This approach sounds simple, but it can be challenging to put in place. It takes time to learn new emotional and social skills. And it will feel uncomfortable to redirect some of your attention and time from others to yourself. But therapy for people-pleasing can help.
Therapy Can Make The Process Easier
It is already a huge first step for you to be considering therapy in order to learn how to stop being a people pleaser. I know that it can feel like you are doing something wrong, but you are not doing anything wrong. In reality, you’re taking very healthy and emotionally mature action by learning to replace these behaviors.
The good thing is that you don’t have to be completely comfortable with the idea for change to happen. An online therapist can help you tolerate these uncomfortable feelings as you learn about yourself, your needs, and how to act on them. Treatment to stop people-pleasing will also support you in making boundaries to maintain these changes so you can keep showing up for yourself.
Are You Ready To Learn How to Stop Being A People Pleaser in Springfield, IL?
It is time to start putting your needs and emotions first. While making the change and learning how to stop being a people pleaser can be challenging. I am here to support you. As an online therapist in Illinois, I will support you as you start identifying your feelings, values, and needs. You have made the first step just by considering therapy to quit people-pleasing. No matter where you are within the state if you are ready to make your self-respect your new foundation follow the steps below to get support at Live Lekko.
- Contact me for a free consultation
- Schedule your first appointment with an online therapist
- Start letting your needs and emotions be a priority
Other Therapy Services I Offer in Illinois
At my Mahomet, IL-based therapy practice I offer serval different counseling options besides therapy for people-pleasing. Such as therapy for women, childhood emotional abuse, and perfectionism. As well as counseling for burnout, depression, anxiety, and grief. Reach out today, I look forward to connecting with you.